I'm not sure what happens when you go from being a nobody to a somebody in the entertainment world. I'm not sure how it feels to know, just know, that the room will be full of people anxiously awaiting your arrival. In a way I think it must be kind of depressing. It's nice to have all those people show up just to hang off your every word and all but I think the game of "Who has any idea who I am and who is here just because they got free tickets or couldn't find a band they wanted to see tonight" would be sorely missed. It's much more of a crapshoot this way. I never know who may have shown up because they had vaguely heard of me and wanted to watch me self destruct just to say they'd been there in case one day I do gain notoriety.
"Hey, you know that comedian who had a heart attack and died during his first late night television appearance? Yeah, I watched him sweat it out in a tiny empty club in Canada five years ago. Oh no, he was kinda fat and sad then too. Yeah, not a shock really."
I'm not a famous person. I likely never will be. Well, let's rephrase that. I likely never will be in show business. Here's hoping for a well timed bank robbery hostage situation.
A lot of people in this business crave fame. They want to feel important, to feel big. I get it. I feel like that sometimes. I do. Usually when I am coming off a real feeling of empty inadequacy. In reality all I actually want is to know the people who come and see me have some idea of what they're getting into. I don't want to fall under the label of "COMEDY TONIGHT! $.39 wings and buckets of bud for $12" anymore. I'd just like to find a few hundred people in each town I go to that would like to see what I do. I think that way I wouldn't have to sugar coat or explain things before I get down to business. I want a fan base. Not a big one, just a good one. People who get it. I think that's the key to my evolution as a comedian. Kind of like a safer space. People who trust me and give me a second to take us to places I'm not sure how to get to and how to get back from.
Let's face it. I'm a comedian in Canada in my thirties. I'm not star material. What I am is hard working and really willing to push things as far as I can. This brings me to these fifteen people from the other night.
Yeah, fifteen people. Friday night at the club. Fifteen.
This has nothing to do with the club. Well, maybe geographically but in all honesty I'm not a draw. No one wants to come out and see Simon King. No one has really heard of Simon King, which is weird because I'm pretty loud.
So here I am. Face to face with fifteen people who have no idea what I am about and likely only know stand up comedy from random encounters with it on television and radio. Not to be judgmental but it's averages I'm talking. Very rarely in situations like this is the audience coming out because they dig the art form. Usually they're coming out because it's something different or it's someone's birthday or someone is getting married or they got cold standing outside waiting for a bus. I swear if you open a comedy club near a bus stop you'll double attendance.
Fifteen people. All different ages. Some older, some younger. Mostly conservative and blue collar. All very aware as I am that there are fifteen people in the room.
Now I like playing small crowds. I do. Bars, pubs, even some club gigs. Small crowds are great. It's intimate. I've done a show for one (1) person. I sat at his table and we drank beer and had a great time. That's another story. Regardless, I don't have a problem with small crowds. I think small crowds sometimes have a problem with small crowds though. There's nothing worse than showing up to a party that hundreds of people were invited to and becoming painfully aware that the handful milling around the punch bowl and crab cakes are it for the night. It's awkward. That's why small crowds in clubs are much harder. They know there's supposed to be more people there. They know you know there's supposed to be more people there. Everyone is left feeling a little like they came to the wrong party.
Can't leave now. You're stuck. You've got that whole bucket of Coronas to drink.
So in this situation some comics will bring it up. Excuses or jokes about the crowd size. It's the lack of elephant in the room after all. The problem with this is that it sets things up to be awkward. We all know what's going on and everyone knows what everyone else is laughing at and we're all aware that I can't draw flies no matter how much honey I use.
So what to do? I did a stupid thing. I did jokes I knew to be safe and tried to hedge my bets. The show went fine. No complaints, lots of laughs and applause, all the things you want in a comedy show. Well, all the things you want in a comedy show if you aren't tired of giving up so much ground.
On his last tour Carlin was still walking people. People still didn't know what they were getting into when they bought tickets for George Carlin. George Carlin, one of the most brilliant, prolific and well known stand up comedians ever. People still walked because he bit off more than they could chew. He didn't give a damn what people thought. Not anymore. He'd done that. However, he also had enough money to pay rent even with those people walking out. It's easy to be a revolutionary when all you have to do all day is be a revolutionary. That's why everyone has to go to work. It has less to do with money and more to do with you having that eight hours a day to realize you're being stolen from.
Wow, that got political for no reason all of a sudden
So, I complain that people work jobs they hate for pieces of paper with numbers on it. That people give up their souls for money and I'm doing the same thing. Sure I get to do what I love but it doesn't always mean I love what I do. I am allowing myself to make those same sacrifices I'm railing against. I'm not practicing what I preach. Why? Simple. I can't afford to rock the boat anymore than I do. I can't push people away even though anyone who would be pushed away by what I want to say isn't the kind of person who would ever want to be close to the real me in the first place.
In order to pay the rent I must placate the audience members who came for the wing special not the comedy and in doing so I alienate the few people that really want something they can hold onto. It's a rock and a hard place.
So fifteen people.
Do you do the stuff you want to do or do the stuff they want you to? I read my crowd as comics do and I gave them what was right for them. I think. I did what was safe. For the most part. Yeah. I feel kind of hypocritical about it but there you are.
A bunch of comedians were sitting around and one of them said "nothing is worse than bombing." and I said "Yeah there is. Doing well for the wrong reasons."
At least they don't have mirrors near the stage because sometimes I can't even look at myself.
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